The falling leaves have left the trees bare and Autumn is coming to a gray end. Some people, like those that live in the south, might enjoy a little snow, but many up north see the winter as an unforgiving season that starts too early and ends way too late. The soul crushing reality is that you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark and you forgot to take advantage of the lingering sunlight you had this summer because instead you either napped or played on your phone indoors. Despite all these negatives, we’re here to tell you that there are ways to cope with winter and make the best of the cold!
- Hibernate Like a Bear – Scientists that study early human behavior suggest that humans, like some other mammals, were once able to sleep through the winter, or hibernate. It’s clear we evolved and now stay awake all year long. However, a study at the University of Alaska’s Institute of Arctic Biology suggests humans could once again hibernate if given the right conditions. When mammals hibernate, their body temperature decreases nearly fifty degrees and slows their metabolism down to keep them alive during the winter. It would take generations of carb loading and evolution, but some scientists suggest eventually humans could relearn to hibernate. If only we could take it one step further and become actual bears…
- Cryogenically Freeze Yourself – You’ve probably heard stories of people freezing themselves before dying in hopes of being thawed out one day. While this has never been proven to work, and those who tried have only ended in disaster, there’s no proof that it’s impossible. Cryogenics is a “branch of physics” that studies the effects of extremely low temperatures. As far as humans go, you can indeed cryogenically freeze yourself for only $30,000; however there are some things you should know first. One, there has never been a case of resurrection through cryogenically freezing yourself. Two, the science isn’t nearly evolved enough to successfully unfreeze people, so the idea that you are frozen until the science exists is pretty daunting. And lastly, in order for cryogenics to work, you would have to be frozen while still alive, which is illegal. The $30,000 fee to become frozen is due at the time of death, so really we’re just freezing corpses. Until animal trials are started, we won’t know for sure if it’s possible for a living creature to survive. We’d rather take our chances with 30 degree weather.
- Time Travel to Spring – This is one of those complicated situations that is possible given the right technology and lots of math. NASA explains that “Under certain conditions, it is possible to experience time passing at a different rate than 1 second per second.” While this may not mean we can simply press a button and end up in a different time period (unless we had a Delorean and a Flux Capacitor), it does mean that the faster you move, the slower time moves for you based on the Earth’s position in space and the satellites that connect to our clocks to tell the time. For example, if you drive ten miles down the highway, you could get there in under ten minutes. However, the same ten miles down a side road (even with no stop signs or turns) will take over ten minutes because of the speed differential. This may not be the time travel you’d expect or even wish for, but it does mean something: perhaps we could figure out how to slow our brains down so time speeds by faster.
- Build a Smart Bunker – What could go wrong with self isolation and advanced technology that knows you better than you know yourself? If you start digging now, by the time winter rolls around you could be ready to decorate your bunker! With a bright light, tanning bed and plenty of vitamin D, you won’t even notice it’s winter! Grab a projector and point it at a wall to watch a live stream of a tropical beach somewhere and add your own soothing wave sounds. With the resources we have now, you could easily order groceries or anything else online so you never have to step foot outside again! By the time it gets warm outside again, you may not even want to leave. Of course, if you have the money to do all of this, maybe a winter trip to Miami would be a bit easier.
- Denial – We were just kidding about everything, winter is fictional and summer is all year long. Enjoy the sunshine!
- The Reality – As fun as all these ideas are to ponder, just getting outside (bundle up) for 15 minutes a day (without a snow shovel) could improve your mood. Even better – a winter hike, snow shoe, sledding adventure or ski day could be all it takes to swipe those winter doldrums away until April. If that fails, eat more chocolate.